But never fear, my tender newbs! Auntie Keisha is here to guide you through this complex and delicate process so that you too may have the skills to let your true self shine through!
A quick note before we begin: this guide is for webcams only. If you are one of the folk who is lucky enough to have parents that will buy compact, brightly colored digital cameras for you, you will have to seek out another guide that will more poignantly illustrate the proper technique for standing in front of the bathroom mirror while holding the camera slightly above your head. The same goes for cell phone cameras, which employ a similar technique as digital cameras but must include the entire phone and most of the reflected bathroom in the picture.
With that said, let's begin!
Step 1: Primp!
You may think that, to best capture your personality, you should take a picture of yourself looking as natural and casual as possible. WRONG! Before you take your picture, it's very important to make sure that your pores are clear, your makeup is flawless, and your hair is that perfect balance of coiffed and messy that shows that you care about how you look but not too much. This last part is VITAL. If your hair is too well-kept, you might look shallow; but let it be too messy, and you'll look like a slob!
Don't have makeup? Nothing a little tweaking with some pirated image editing software can't fix!
Without digital touch-up:
Ew, gross!
Now let's see it with digital touch-up:
Beautiful!
Step 2: Accessorize!
Along with Step 1, Step 2 involves insuring you look your very, very best in your profile pictures, even if you've just been sitting around at home eating Cheetos all day! This creates the illusion that you always look like that--no sweatpants or unadorned collarbones for you! But, as in Step 1, this look must look effortless. No matter how many hours you might have spent in front of the mirror prior to snapping the pic, it must look like you just stumbled in oh-so-casually and just happened to take a minute out of your busy day to upload a quick pic. No biggie!
Look at this slob! No accessories at all!
Now THAT'S what I'm talking about!
Step 3: Working the Angles
Now that you're all beautified and ready for your close-up, it's time to actually sit in front of the camera and start working it! Don't get too hasty, though! A good angle is just as important as a good face.
When working the angles, your options are virtually limitless, but there are two basic approaches that will always give you a consistent, tried-and-true look. The first is the seductive approach: looking the camera square in the eye while your mouth is partially opened and your face is slightly tilted to one side (which should always be your good side, of course!). If you aren't sure what you're good side is, just experiment until you find it! Here are some examples of the seductive approach:
Sexy!
The second approach is the broody or thoughtful approach. Use this when you want to emphasize how deep and contemplative you are. The trick here is to never look directly at the camera--this shows that you're too deep in your own world to even care that your picture is being taken! Here are some examples:
What a deep and philosophical person!
Remember: never, under any circumstances, are you to position your face straight on at the camera or smile. You're too disaffected for that!
Hideous! This person is neither sexy nor thoughtful!
Step 4: Spicing those colors up!
You may notice that your picture, with its natural lighting and realistic skin tones, looks totally drab. It isn't indicative of your spicy personality at all! But don't worry, this can be fixed with a little photo-manipulation! Simply by sliding the color scale to one extreme or the other, you can create a portrait of a fun, quirky scenester or of a deep, contemplative thinker:
The one on the left says "What an alternative and individualistic person!" while the one on the right says "What an intelligent and no doubt creative individual!"
Neither of these suit your fancy? Nothing applying a few generic special effects won't fix!
The possibilities are only limited by the number of free effects that come with your preferred image editing software!
Step 5: Putting it all Together!
Now that you've perfected your makeup, your accessories, your angle, and your photo effects, it's time to produce the perfect profile pic that will tell everyone just how intriguing, beautiful, and creative you are with only minimal help from a computer!
Now THAT'S what I call a Facebook profile pic!
