Cody has to write an English paper about our generation's definition of love as evidenced through our popular culture (which makes me hate him for getting to write fun things while I have to study [read: "pretend to study while writing a blog and reading webcomics"] for a smelly chem test that is smelly), and he left his document open (with nothing written on it. Shame on you, Cody, you should be more like your hardworking girlfriend who never slacks off or puts off things until the last minute!), so I took the liberty to insert this little quip:
"Love is like a lovely sea of loving love. I love my girlfriend. She's part of our culture, right? She has a blog now so I think that makes her media too. She defines love as hitting me when I piss her off. Which is a lot. I love her a whole lot and I want to buy her a puppy. And that is what I think love is. The end."
Then he deleted it and wrote "Blowjobs". Which is only one word and didn't even have any punctuation so I'm pretty sure that wouldn't fly. Honestly, it's like he doesn't want to pass English. So I helped him again:
"Love is not caring when someone farts on your penis. And not getting mad when they don't give you blowjobs even when you really want them.
Love is what I feel when I look at Magic cards. Love, and the beautiful sensation of ejaculation."
Cody's got this shizz in the bag. But I don't want to be greedy with my awesome wisdom, so I thought of some more definitions for love. Feel free to use these on English projects or Valentines cards or even leave them as saucy literature in bathroom stalls. But if you do that prepared to get sued cause I am totally copyrighting this genius and making bank.
"Love is prestige classing."
"Love is still being willing to play Magic: The Gathering with someone even though they hand you your ass on a silver platter every time."
"Love is paying rapt attention to someone while they rant for hours about boring things you don't actually have any invested interest in."
"Love is when the people at Jimmy Johns give you the bread ball they scoop out of the loaf and only laugh at you/wonder how high you are a little bit."
"Love is not being afraid to ask for the bread ball."
"Love is taking out the garbage after I just puked in it."
"Love is doing sweet things without expecting blowjobs in return."
"Love is sometimes giving unexpected blowjobs. Sometimes."
"Love is pretending to give a shit about Secret Life of the American Teenager."
I'm like the most romantic person on the planet. Forget zoology, I should totes go work for Hallmark.
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